Archive for June, 2008

Do You Remember Being Asked a Question That Changed Your Life?

Happy Tapping News
June 2008

One that might stand out is: “Will you marry me?”
Another: “Do you want this job?”
OR: “What if we have to move to a different place?”

Questions that invite a yes or no answer may in some ways be easier to answer. Either you do or you don’t want what is being asked. (I realize I’ m oversimplifying, but bear with me.)

What about those questions that cause you to think before you answer or cause you to question yourself?

“What makes you think you can do that?”
“What on earth did you do that for?”
“Why did you do it that way?”
“What makes you think you can do anything you want?”
“What did you mean by that remark?”

Did any of these questions, make you uncomfortable as you read it? Make note of it and I’ll give you a tip as to what you can do about it in a minute.

What’s interesting about an “open-ended” question is that there is no clear-cut predictable answer. Depending on whose doing the asking and the tone of voice you hear, it could drastically affect how you answer it, if you answer at all.

It quickly boils down to: Do you feel safe to tell your truth, no matter what it is, regardless of what others may think about it. That definitely puts a spin on it.

The more I work with EFT I realize how powerful these kinds of questions can be for uncovering resistance to resolving negative emotions. After all, as a child, it’s inevitable that you got asked these kinds of questions from time to time from parents, teachers, siblings, peers, etc. If the question was asked in a curious or supportive mode, without judgment or expectation attached, you may have felt valued for having opinions of your own. You feel the other person is genuinely interested in your answer.

If the question feels “loaded”, then you might experience fear, shame, guilt, resentment, or any other negative emotion. Depending on how you handled it at the time and the subsequent consequences, it may have left its mark on you.

The power of the open-ended question showed up this past month via email.

A woman who attends my EFT tapping circle described a “glob” in her throat that seems to hang on in spite of repeated rounds of tapping. Here are some excerpts from our correspondence. I have changed the names for privacy reasons.

Jane: A few things surfaced last time that were interesting and pertinent to me, especially the idea that one has a reason for the “problem” such as my throat thing.” It has lessened, but is still slightly pressing and so I’m trying to get to why I still need to feel it.  I keep thinking I’m along the way with grief (the death of her brother earlier this year), but obviously I’m not, so recognizing that is helpful. Also, when you told Sarah to dwell on her sadness also made sense to me. It’s so interesting to me how certain
phrases, even though we’ve heard them so many times before, all of a sudden make sense to us. And last meeting had many of them.  Thank you for all of this.

Nancy replied:
Thank you for the update on your process.
The feedback is helpful in understanding what works for different people. Something that may help regarding your throat issue is to ask yourself: “What is it trying to tell me?” (Note the open-ended question.) and then wait for the answer (which may take minutes or up to a day or two). Just be patient and you’ll “know it when you hear/see/feel it”. When I told Sarah and I think Betsy to dwell on the sadness, I said that to each of them for different reasons. In Sarah’s case, she was already sad and for her it was to “test” to see if the intensity had changed or if it had switched to a different memory.
For Betsy, she has difficulty feeling emotions other than anxiety, so I wanted her to stay with it long enough to tap while it was active in order to “disarm” the charge associated with it. It’s known as the Law of Similars that I was reflecting on for her. It takes “like resonance” to change energy imbalances. It’s possible that once she clears the sadness, a different emotion will surface. That may also be the situation for you.

The next email from Jane was so interesting.

Hi Nancy,
Thank you again.  The “What is it trying to tell me?” is what I’ve been trying to figure out.  I think it’s a way to not lose the sadness and/or continue to feel bad about my brother.  Perhaps I’m not ready to let those feelings dissipate so I’m not focusing on them as much, and I’m much relieved, but they like to hang around as a reminder once in awhile! A form of some strange punishment perhaps.  I realize you were talking to the others for different reasons, but as each issue does, it resonates with me, like all things do at your circles.  It certainly is a struggle to get to those basic feelings isn’t it!!!??

In the context of writing to me, she shifted from “trying to figure it out”, to answering the question. Here’s my response to her.

Hi Jane,
Something you said got my attention and I thought it might be helpful to make mention of it.

You said you had been “trying” to figure it out and then in the next sentence answered the question, clearly and concisely. Each statement following the question is the trail to follow using EFT. You might experiment with speaking what you wrote out loud while tapping along, including the statement about punishment. Then ask yourself, “What on earth would I need to be punished for?” Then wait to see what comes to mind next. Another option would be to imagine that you are talking to me as if I had asked the question and see if that opens the door to understanding what is underneath.

If the “glob” is still in your throat, the next clue to tap for is: Even though it certainly is a struggle to get to those basic feelings, I accept myself and my feelings even the ones I don’t like. (Use your own words.)

I so admire your dedication to your process. It is evident that you are growing by leaps and bounds. It’s a joy to witness. Thank you for sharing your process with me.

A few days later, Jane writes:
“The “glob” is pretty well gone and I do find that by my imagining talking to someone I state the problem to myself.  The glob eluded me for quite some time and so I just let it be, knowing it needed to be there to possibly remind me of my brother, then realized I didn’t need it to remind me–that I would remember him quite easily thank you very much!”

The disappearance of the “glob” and the cognitive shift she describes are signs she is getting clear. She may feel sadness from time to time over the loss of her brother, but the “throat thing” has definitely shifted.

Now it’s time to revisit the question(s) posed at the beginning of the article that perhaps pushed your buttons.
Choose the one that has the biggest charge to it, and as best you can, give it a rating on a scale of 0 to 10. Ten is maximum intensity. You might ask yourself “What event does this remind me of?” Depending on what comes to mind, you now have something specific for EFT.

Convert the question or memory it into a setup statement. I’ll give you some examples.
• Even though I am extremely anxious just thinking about this question, I accept myself just as I am.
• Even though being asked to explain myself by my 6th grade teacher really upset me, I totally and completely love and accept myself.
• Even though I heard my father¹s critical voice say to me “What on earth did you do that for?” I totally and completely accept myself.
• Even though my mother used to say all the time, “Just what did you mean by that remark?” and it made me feel so guilty, I totally and completely accept myself and my feelings no matter how difficult they are.

Put the setup statement in your own words. Describe the situation as you remember it or give it a title as in The Movie Technique. Write it down if it will help you remember it while you tap. Proceed through the normal EFT sequence 2-3 times or until you can say the troubling question or focus on the memory without experiencing any discomfort. Go back and reread the triggering question. Chances are excellent that your button is no longer being pushed. It may even take on a whole new meaning.

Shifting a trigger as described above can result in significant changes in your life. Often the progression of change you experience is subtle. Weeks or months down the road you may have a revelation that certain aspects of your life are going more smoothly. The bottom line is: change your vibration and you change your life. With EFT, it’s that simple.

I have such appreciation for the power of the open-ended question. It can be life-changing in any number of positive ways!

Please, let me know how it works for you.

Happy Tapping!
—Nancy Southern
© Nancy  Southern  All Rights Reserved.

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June 1, 2008 at 7:21 pm Leave a comment

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